Muffed Punt!

The skanky odour of the muffed punt filled the air of Santa Clara stadium, much to the dismay of many of the thousands in attendance.
There's not much that can be said, but in the future, I think it would serve Kyle Williams well to give Vince a call and get his hands on a Schticky - it's purrrrrrrrrfect for muffed punts. check it out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAQjF5RPgbg

Northern Trust Open

Northern Trust PGA
Dustin Johnson fired a seven-under 64 at Riviera Country Club to take a one-shot lead after the first round of the 6.4 million-dollar Northern Trust Open.
Johnson made the most of cool, calm morning conditions as he nabbed seven birdies without a bogey on the par-71 layout for a one-stroke lead over Argentina's Andres Romero and American Kevin Stadler.
Ricky Barnes and Brandt Snedeker were two shots back on 66.
"Got off to a good start, had good vibes going all day," said Johnson, who started at the 10th and had two birdies in his first three holes.
After a birdie at the par-five 11th, he drained a 64-foot birdie bomb at the par-four 12th.
Johnson birdied Riviera's other two par-fives - the 17th and the first, missing an eight-foot eagle attempt at No.1.
Johnson, who missed the cut at the Farmers Insurance Open last week, appears to be building momentum before his title defence at the Pebble Beach National Pro-Am next week.
He said he felt at home on the historic Riviera course west of downtown Los Angeles.
"It really fits my eye," he said.
Romero nabbed eight birdies in a six-under 65, more than making up for a double-bogey at the par-four ninth.
Romero, who closed his round with four straight birdies, admitted he might have avoided the big mistake if he'd heeded his caddie's advice on nine.
"My caddie was telling me to hit a seven-iron just to the front of the green, but I'm so stubborn I stayed with the six-iron and it buried in the bunker," he said.
Stadler started on the 10th tee and got hot early, with six of his seven birdies in his first nine holes. He cooled off coming in, with one birdie balanced by a bogey.
Steve Stricker, runner-up here last year to Phil Mickelson, headed a trio on 67. Stricker launched his round with an eagle at the par-five first hole. He added four birdies and two bogeys to finish alongside Steve Lowery and Cameron Beckman.
Japanese sensation Ryo Ishikawa was in a group of more than a dozen players on three-under 68 that also included South Africans Rory Sabbatini and Ernie Els, England's Luke Donald and Sweden's Jesper Parnevik.
The 18-year-old is making his 2010 US debut at the same tournament where he missed the cut in his first US tour outing last year.
He moved as low as five-under par, but had two bogeys in his last four holes - including a three-putt from 26 feet at the sixth.
Even so, he was pleased to put himself in position to make the cut.
"My mentality is better than last year, and especially my putting," Ishikawa said. "I hope I can make the cut tomorrow."
World number two Mickelson left himself plenty of work to do if he is to claim an unprecedented third straight title in the event, posting a one-over 72, as did Ireland's Padraig Harrington.
Mickelson had four birdies, but his round got away from him with four of his five bogeys in his last seven holes.
"I was three-under and I had a decent round going," Mickelson said. "I ended up with four bogeys coming in, and I shot one-over - it really wasn't a good round."

Yawn...Woods Wins Again

MARANA, Ariz. - What can be said? Tiger hands Stuart Cink his ass on a platter to dominate yet another golf tournament while smashing a scoring record. Woods captured his 15th World Golf Championship with his latest victory.
The best quote of the tournament came from Stewart Cink himself: "I think maybe we ought to slice him open to see what's inside," Cink said. "Maybe nuts and bolts." ..uh, sure Stu, or maybe Bits N' Bites?

Nippleson Prevails At Hogan's Alley

Pacific Palisades CA. – Phil Nippleson made two coal-and-ice putts on the back nine at Rivera to seize control of the Northern Trust Open, while bulbous Jeff Quinney self-annihilated via the flat stick, handing Nippleson a two-shot victory.
Not surprisingly, shortly after CBS Sports spouted-off about Quinney going 214 holes without a three-putt, he three-jacked. Thanks CBS!

A year ago, Nippleson looked as though he was going to win at Riviera until he bogeyed the 18th hole and promptly lost in a playoff against Chucky Three-Sticks.
Nippleson claims changing his putter was pivotal to winning at Riviera. He recently changed to balls with a softer cover, and only last week realized that he didn't notice the same sound when his balls whacked his putter-face, causeding him to whack his balls much harder. Nippleson then swaped the insert in his putter to return to the same familiar whacking-of-balls sound, and milked it all the way to the clubhouse.
Way to go FIGJAM!

Singh Implodes At The Beach

PEBBLE BEACH, Calif. – Frumpy Steve Lowery had gone more than seven years and 199 tournaments without shaving or winning, in a famine that would have continued if not for an arresting implosion by the lanky Fijian Vijay Singh.
The villous Lowery caught up when Veej folded like oragami, and made a trifecta of bogeys. Stubbly Lowery then won on the first hole of a sudden-death playoff with a 7-foot birdie. The dowdy Lowery is the oldest, and probably most rotund winner in the 71-year history of the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am.
Lowery closed with a 4-under 68, and won for the third time in his less than illustrious career, then made a bee-line to McDonalds to celebrate his triumph with a happy meal.

No Pants, No Problem!

Forward Olga Svlutvana fore-checks in the Russian Lesbo-Comrade-Vodka League. RLCVL players are threatening strike action over the owner’s refusal to provide pants for the players. In their defense, the owners claim providing players with pants would discourage camel toe, diminish revenues, and the overall enjoyment of a favorite pastime. League owners are asking players to continue playing “for the good of the game”

Poulter Shanks One

The Canadian Press

DUBAI, United Arab Emirates - Ian Poulter says a British golf magazine took his words out of context when it quoted him as saying that he was capable of challenging Tiger Woods after reaching his potential.
Poulter, a skinny-ass Rod Stewart look-alike is at the # 22 ranked player with seven career victories, the last one in 2006.
"The trouble is I don't rate anyone else," Poulter was quoted in the magazine. "Don't get me wrong, I really respect every professional golfer, but I know I haven't played to my full potential and when that happens, it will be just me and Tiger."
Poulter, a flamboyant 32-year-old Englishman, appears nude in the magazine behind a strategically placed golf bag. All he really needed was a tee and two Pro-V's.
Poulter, who said he had not seen a copy of the full article, said Woods was so far ahead of everyone else in the rankings that the real battle was to become No. 2.
"If people do play well over a period of two years, you can get to No. 2. You can't reach Tiger," Poulter said. "It would be a dream to see Tiger Woods and then me in the world rankings as you look down. What's wrong with that? Is it being rude? Is it being disrespectful to everybody else? I don't think so.
"Tiger Woods is so far in front, and people want to get as close as they possibly can to that."
Poulter, who is known for his more eccentric hair styles and clothing, has only one top 10 in a major and has not won on the PGA Tour. But he couldn't keep the controversy out of his mind Thursday.
"I'm not going to lie. I'm going to tell you, I've been thinking (about) it the whole way around the golf course," said Poulter.